Friday, April 4, 2014

Short Movie Review

"Captain Phillips" is a slow paced true life story.  The most memorable line in the movie is when the pirate boss points to his own eyes and says "Look at my eyes." to captain Phillips.  When you look at him is all you noticed is how yellow his teeth are.  Guess he is used of people staring at his teeth.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The Inner Sanctum

The world play progressed smoothly as the many puppeteers pulled everyone's strings.  In the auditorium the seats were all empty except for a few people shouting out commands to the many puppeteers.  They were some of the Inner Sanctum and only their group knew the whole story.  However, they could rewrite the script at any time and change the story.
Many thought that the people who pulled the strings controlled the world's destiny, but that was exactly what the Inner Sanctum wanted them to think.  The puppeteers all had bluetooth cellphone earpieces so that the rest of the Inner Sanctum members not present could also control the world's story script.
Someone once said "All the world is a stage and we are all but actors."  Which is true for everyone except the privileged few who make up the Inner Sanctum and their puppeteers.

Friday, March 7, 2014

The Ripple Effect

I threw a small stone into the lake, it made some ripples.  Cool
I threw a larger stone into the lake. It made even more ripples.  Cooler
I threw a really huge stone into the lake.  It made really made a lot of big ripple waves.  Awesome.
I was drinking Ripple wine at the time, thus the Ripple Effect.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Ignorance

Ignoring the truth
Looking at the world in the reflections of a funhouse mirror
Believing that blogging in cyberspace will actually make a difference

Friday, November 15, 2013

Best Quotes by a Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield  "Haven't talked to my wife in years, didn't want to interrupt her."

Stepen Wright  "I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."
                         "I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but i don't have that much time"
                         "I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't    
                           have to go so fast."

Henny Youngman  "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
                                "A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he 
                                  gave him another six months."

George Carlin  "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She
                           said it she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
                         "I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I
                           do' is the longest."

David Letterman  "People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers,
                                perfect strangers sharing a taxi.  One guy took the radio and the tires and the
                                other guy took the engine."

Milton Berle  "A committee is a group that keeps minutes, but loses hours."
                       "You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

Albert Einstein  "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits."

                    




                        

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Shopping Mall Zombies

Remember those very old zombie movies that took place in the shopping malls.  If you look around in the large indoor malls, their still there, but now walking around looking for beads, trinkets, jewelry, shoes.  They've progressed and no longer hunger to eat human flesh and have all had cosmetic surgery done so they look like us.  They still move slow though.
Years ago the zombies used to follow the blue flashing lights inside of a large department store, but when that store  stopped their blue light specials, for a short time the zombies could be seen on the streets trying to chase police cars with their sirens and flashing lights on.  After a while they gave up and returned back to the large indoor shopping malls.
  

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Destiny

There is an exclusive secret by invitation only meeting once a year by the Bilderberg Group where important people around the world meet.  They are the ones who control the world's destiny.  When Bill Clinton was then the governor of Arkansas , he was invited and attended.  A while later he became our President.
I keep waiting for my invitation to that meeting, but all I ever get is Publisher Clearing House notices that I may have won millions of dollars. 
However, I was invited and did attend a meeting and reunion of Vietnam veterans of the second platoon.  We discussed world situations, problems and solutions and what was the best brand of beer.  Fat tire got my vote, but don't believe anything we said or did there changed the world's destiny.  Except to increase the sales of fat tire beer.
(update 6-08-2013 This years Bilderberg meeting)  http://news.msn.com/world/rich-powerful-bilderberg-group-in-annual-secret-confab

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Bloggers & Cloggers Annual Meeting

     The International Association of Bloggers & Cloggers held this year's annual meeting yesterday at Maple Lanes Bowling Alleys.  There was no bowling during the meeting.
     The cloggers objected to the fact they were forced to wear bowling shoes, so the event was a lot quieter this year.
    

Monday, February 4, 2013

Your Really Old If You Can Remember This.

Niagra Falls, slowly I turned ........................
Badges, we don't need no stinkin badges.
Whose on first?  ........................
The peanut galley.
Spanky & Alfalfa
Paying $.20 for a gallon of gas
Paying $.25 for a loaf of bread.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Golf Game

Moses, Jesus, and God were playing a round of golf.
Moses teed off first and his ball went into the water, but the waters parted and the ball rolled to about two feet away from the hole. 
Jesus teed off next and his ball too hit the water, but it skipped on top of the water and ended up about one foot away from the hole.
God then teed off and his ball hit a tree and was stuck between two branches.  A squirrel grabbed the ball and immediately an eagle swooped down and grabbed the squirrel and flew towards the hole with the squirrel still holding onto the golf ball.  When the eagle was a few feet above the hole a small bolt of lightening hit the eagle and squirrel.  The ball then dropped into the hole and the eagle flew away and the squirrel ran back to the tree.
Jesus turned to God and said "Nice shot Dad"

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Guru

The young man struggled as he climbed toward the mountain peak.  He stopped to catch his breath  and glanced upward .  He had been told that a wise man lived on that peak.
Later after much effort he finally achieved his goal and was rewarded by the sight of a guru sitting on the ground in meditation.
"How do I attain success and happiness" asked the young man.
"Success comes from wanting and happiness comes from not wanting" was the guru's answer.

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Abyss



     The old man stood at the rocky edge of the bottomless abyss.  It was only about 8 feet in diameter.  He looked down and saw a faint reddish orange glow from it's great depths.  He looked up and around and saw nothing for everything was in total darkness.  He listened but only heard silence, but he could smell the slight odor of sulfur fumes.  He could not remember how he got there or anything else.                                               Suddenly there was a loud whooshing sound and he felt heat on his face, he quickly glanced down and saw the faint glow turning into a quickly brightening  reddish orange light.  It was traveling upwards toward him at such a high speed that his face became so hot that he had to step back.  A couple minutes later he had backed about 30 feet away from the edge of the abyss to escape the intense heat.
     The old man was now bathe in a reddish light and could see that he was standing on smooth rock ground which was all he could see, where ever he looked,  except for the abyss for now it was filled with boiling lava and floating a few feet above the lava was an entity that looked like a frail short middle aged man with a receding hairline, who was wearing a  bow tie and holding a trident pitchfork in his hand.
    "What brings you here old man?"  the floater asked in a quiet voice.  " I don't know how I got here or what I'm doing here" was the reply.
    "Well let me clear things up for you, first I am Satan and have no idea of who you are or how you got here.  Let me tell you I have enough problems in hell without having to spend time here.  Do you know that there is a problem with overcrowding now.  When I first submerged to the depths of hell to escape the hands of God, I thought this is the perfect place, I can enjoy myself here.  I didn't think about it's limited space.  Heaven doesn't have that problem because it's infinite.  Also there are not many skilled craftsmen in hell and those that are don't give a damn.  So Hell is falling apart, nothing gets fixed." complained Satan.
"You know I used to have fun bossing people around before, now there are so many former dictators in hell who all think they are running the show that nobody listens to me anymore.  Look I've got some plumbing problems I have to finish fixing, so I've got to go."  Satan then descended back into the bottom of the abyss.
    Then the old man awoke from his dream.